Relationships + Resilience In a Time of Crisis

The new coronavirus is a very real health threat. As it continues its march across the globe, stock markets are toppling, and basic systems like health, financial, industrial, education, and food risk collapse. This is global disruption the likes of which we haven’t seen at least since the global recession of 2008, and people everywhere are scared.
 
I am certainly not immune to the fear. But what really frightens me about this ever-changing situation is that it seems to foster isolation.
 
The coronavirus is highly contagious. To keep ourselves safe, instinct and, in some cases, governments, tell us we should stay away from other people – disconnect and take care of ourselves and our own.
 
But there’s an unspoken byproduct of distancing ourselves from others: Separation compromises our resilience, precisely when we need it the most.
 
Resilience is the tendency and ability to bounce back from any curve ball that life throws at us – whether that’s the loss of a job, moving to a new city, or finding ourselves in the midst of today’s global panic. And resilience is nurtured by, among other things, our connections with other human beings.
 
Every relationship flourishes or flounders depending on its quality of communication. In a time when our relationships are so vital to our resilience and overall wellbeing, they need special attention. They need to be fostered with conscious, authentic communication
 
Here are some thoughts on how you can use communication to nurture relationships and boost your resilience even in a time of crisis:
 

• Be. Every one of your relationships and all of your communication starts with you, so start there. Take time to meditate, journal, or be in nature. Make your relationship with yourself primary.
• Notice. Pay attention to your thoughts, your feelings, your body sensations. Learn to recognize what you really need in this moment. Notice when you feel stress, fear, or anxiety. Learn the cues – your heart beats faster, you can’t sit still, your mind races. The quality of your communication is directly related to your inner state.
• Breathe. Your breath accompanies you through every millisecond of your life. To prepare yourself for communication that fosters connection, put both feet flat on the floor, and breathe deeply for at least three minutes. Don’t cheat yourself. Let yourself sink into this practice. It will calm your nervous system and allow you to think more clearly.
• Listen. It’s counterintuitive to take the focus off yourself when stress and fear are closing in, but do it anyway. Listen to another person. Don’t listen to fix – you don’t need to take on another burden or activity. Listen with a sense of curiosity and with empathy. Don’t say much. Just listen. The calming effect will resonate in you and in the person to whom you are listening.
• Connect. Where you can, offer to help. When you need something, ask for it. Use self-awareness to know what you can offer and what you need. Seek ways to link with others to build community and collective resiliency. Because we are always stronger together.
• Thank. Express gratitude. Make it a habit. Gratitude is a silver bullet in fortifying relationships and cultivating resilience.
• Laugh. Take it seriously, but don’t take it too seriously. Last week, I went for a walk in my city, and I saw a young couple doing pirouettes by the sea. Smiling and laughter trigger endorphins that reduce stress and make us feel more connected with each other.  

 
The new coronavirus and the multitude of related issues are real, and they are stoking fear in people all over the world. We need to boost the immune systems in our bodies, and we also need to boost our emotional immune systems. The most effective way to do this is to privilege relationships to enhance our resilience. Now is not the moment to turn away from each other, but to lean in. To foster our connections with other human beings is to create a shield against the vicissitudes of the world – no matter how dramatic.